“Wake up! Refuse to sleepwalk through your life any longer. Wake up! Open your eyes and dare to see the world in a new and different way. Wake up! Awaken your passion for life and awaken it in those around you. Awaken yourself spiritually. Find something larger than yourself to believe in. Find a way to life yourself above the mundane. Wake up! Smell the coffee! Take a long, hard look at all you’ve been missing, and decide not to miss any more. Awaken your senses, your intuition, your desires. Awaken the parts of yourself that have been sleeping: the lover, the trickster, the artist, the maiden, the crone. Wake up, and don’t go back to sleep. Life is a dream, and to live it, you must be awake.” ~Rachel Snyder
Wake up? I have to be honest, I have never really felt like I was sleepwalking through my life, but I think I might have been. I had to really give it some serious thought and reflect on the past a bit before I understood what I was doing. It’s never intentional, ignoring the important parts of our life, but it tends to happen when we allow ‘stuff’ to get in the way. I have accepted that I need to throw back the covers and rub the sleep out of my eyes, but that is the easy part.
I am conditioned. That’s right, conditioned; get things done, don’t be lazy, work harder, do it now, lists and lists and more lists. I don’t blame anyone for it, I allowed myself to sink into the position of ‘worker bee’ because. But droning through the days has taken a toll on my spirit and it was inevitable that I would break rank sooner or later. I haven’t given myself permission to play and dream and explore for many years, and I am beginning to realize that there is more going on in my everyday existence than just a regimented schedule of responsibilities.
Life is different now, calmer. I can explore and search and get lost in anything I choose. Sleep, write, play, read, create; I have choices now. Sometimes the training of my previous life peeks around the corner when I am needing some structure or feeling overwhelmed, and I can safely organize my day without fearing the bonds of my previous indentured servitude. I still have responsibilities and I still do things that need to be done, but the difference is I don’t HAVE to do them immediately. A balance between need and want is possible.
Just like a kid standing in the center of a see-saw trying to figure out which side needs more weight to keep them from falling off, I have to decide which side of my life needs to hold more weight in order to keep my balance. I’ve decided that it’s ok to put my schedules on hold from time to time and let my spirit breathe a little.