Tag Archives: relationship

Crazy

Crazy like a fox.  You must be crazy.  She’s lost her marbles.  Plead insanity.  “One person’s craziness is another person’s reality.”~Tim Burton   Not playing with a full deck.  That is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.  Bat-shit crazy.  Crazy in the name of love.  You have a screw loose.  Psycho.  Looney-tunes.  It implies doing the same behavior repeatedly, while expecting a different result.  Crazy days.  “Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.”~Mark Twain   Rowing with one oar out of the water.  Off your rocker.  Lost touch with reality.  Just plain nuts.

Throughout life, we all cross paths with at least one individual we categorize as crazy.  Not the silly, do anything for attention kind of crazy, but the absolute boldest and most honest reading of the definition.  Crazy.

I met crazy face to face.  I thought I had finally rid myself of crazy, but it seems to keep popping up when I least expect it.  Now, the only course of action I have is a complete freeze-out.  No contact.  No response.  No apologies.  No emotion.  No reasoning.  No rationalizing.  No bridges.  Nothing.

It’s been a long time coming, but it’s time to shake off the crazy and move forward with my life.


Enough?

In the grand scheme of relationship break-ups, when is enough actually enough?  What is the limit of aggravation and frustration one has to endure before walking away completely?

Think it through a bit.  You break up with someone you have spent several years with, and in the beginning you both try to keep things civil.  You talk about dividing the household, dealing with debt, pets, kids, joint accounts; all the things you need to resolve before you can move forward in life.  This so-called civil period can last for years or it can tank coming out of the gate.  For me, it ceased to exist as soon as I made it clear that I am going to take care of myself and stop taking care of her.

My biggest source of confusion about this whole break-up process stems from my ex’s inability to understand that I am not interested in listening to, dealing with, solving or even discussing her problems anymore.  I acknowledge that I have played a role in her inability to figure out the little things in everyday life; possessing a caregiver’s personality, I generally took care of the everyday things that life would throw our way.  Perhaps if I had demanded more input or action on her part, we could have prolonged our post break-up civil period, and I could have avoided being financially and emotionally drained.  Sadly, I realized my error much too late and now I am still paying.

Over the past year, I have been threatened with law suits, stolen from, lied to repeatedly, cussed out, told I need therapy, told I am no longer a parent, and basically had my character dragged through the mud; all because I said …”I don’t want to be with you anymore.”  I didn’t take legal action, I didn’t steal from her or speak badly about her to others; I have continually tried to be a decent person throughout the whole process.  What I didn’t realize in the beginning is that she really wasn’t interested in being civil, she just wanted me to be civil. I can’t anymore.  I won’t continue to offer the olive branch only to turn around and get slapped in the face with it each time.

Here is my point.  When you break-up, whether you have been together 12 months or 12 years, it’s going to suck.  Separating yourself from another person’s life is a gruelling task, but in order to continue on with your journey, you have to cut ties and seal doors that were once open to that person.  You can’t continue to act as though you are a couple while you are breaking-up; it doesn’t work.  When you finally start acting like exes, closing the door is a little bit easier; at least it is for me.


Burn

 “Burn leaves in autumn.  Burn sage and sweet-grass to purify your room and yourself.  Burn the old pictures, the old letters, the old papers that no longer mean anything.  Burn candles everywhere, inside and out, in glass holders and old pie tins and in seashells on window sills and counters and tabletops.  Cast into the fire those feelings and attitudes that no longer serve you.  Feel them disintegrate.  Watch how the smoke curls.  Burn off anger in small doses.  Don’t wait for a meltdown.  Create the hearth that contains and focuses your inner fire.  Burn the dinner and then laugh about it.  If it’s necessary for your self-survival, yes, burn a bridge every now and then.  Just make sure you’re safely on one side or the other before you do.”  ~ Rachel Snyder

Well, what do you think?  Should one engage in the exhilarating act of pyromania in an effort to clear themselves of the past and start fresh?  Is it rational to treat parts of our past like an overgrown forest that needs the focus of a controlled burn to make room for new growth?  Have you ever burned your past?

This is my controlled burn.  I’m choosing carefully what fuel I will add to my fire.  I have rifled through the boxes and envelopes and bins and gathered up the refuse of my past.  I won’t miss it.  I won’t look for it later and wonder why I let it go.  This fire has been smouldering for  years, and my mistake was not feeding it when it started.

I won’t hang on to regret, it only weighs me down.  I won’t rely on hindsight to rationalize what has already happened, it only makes me mad.  I will NOT shoulder the burden of everyone’s reactions to my path; it’s my life.  I will let go of what once was and stop asking myself why it isn’t anymore.  The past is no place to linger.

I’m burning.  I’m piling it up and setting it ablaze.  Nothing says ‘I’m done’ like a big-assed bon fire.


Guard

 “Guard fiercely that which others want most to wrest from you. Your inner wild places and the freedom to visit them often. The gateways to your very soul, the keys to your secret garden and all that you cultivate therin. Guard against attacks of all sorts by those who covet your light and envy your brilliance. Create shields visible and invisible, and infuse them with the power to deflect invasions of your body, mind, and spirit. Guard the security of your home as if it were more valuable than the grandest place on Earth, for surely it is. Establish your personal boundaries and guard them against interlopers who would barge in against your will. Be the guardian of your own solitude and that of others, and peace shall always be yours.” ~ Rachel Snyder

Sometimes things don’t quite work out the way you had planned, and you have to make some drastic changes in your life; this is especially difficult when it involves dissolving a relationship that is toxic and damaging.  Well, having dissolved the relationship, I am now faced with guarding what it is I have chosen for my new life, and guard it I will.

Some people would say I gave up and quit on something that I should have fought harder to keep, but those people don’t know the whole story.  The details of that situation are no longer important; what is important is that I got out because I realized that I no longer guarded what was important to me.  I let everything I knew about myself get taken away without a fight.  No more.

Life can be incredibly complicated and unpredictable, but there is a way around all the chaos; guard.  Guard what you have learned about yourself, and trust it. Guard your heart from hate and fear.  Guard your sense of worth and ignore the challengers that say you are less than you truly are.  Guard your character and dismiss those who would try to create a false picture of your life.  Guard yourself from the anger of others by letting go of your own anger.  Guard all that is yours, material and emotional, and guard it with your life.

The past few years have taught me that sometimes a sense of self-preservation will lead you away from people, but it will also lead you toward those who you do not have to guard yourself against.


She

 I know of no other like her.  I’m pulled up each day by the thought of her.  The smile that warms me, the eyes that read all my secrets, the caress of her fingers against my cheek, the sound of her breath in my ear as she sleeps in my arms; no other is like her.

We met by chance, luck.  She was warm and welcoming, full of laughter and a new-found friendship.  She made me laugh, she made me think, she helped me not take myself so seriously.  That chance meeting would send us on a path of friendship that grew with each new day, regardless of the distance and time that separated us.  Years would pass before we would stand together again, but when we finally did; she made me laugh, she made me think, she helped me not to take myself so seriously.

I survived the dismantling of my life, and there she was again.  She listened to my fears and my dreams, she calmed my weary heart, she opened my eyes to my new life.  I felt this feeling growing inside of me, this pull, this attraction.  I pretended it was all a consequence of circumstance; it couldn’t be real. I was so wrong.  She was inside me, walking around in all the dark corners I had kept hidden from the world for so many years; lighting each new room with her tender way.  I tried to ignore it, but it was stronger than I realized.

Standing in the entranceway of her apartment, nerves turning me inside out, sweating, shaking, fumbling over my words.  A whisper, “Come here.”  A kiss.  One kiss to wash away my fears and confirm what was waiting inside my heart.  One kiss to show her how much she means to me.  One kiss to bind us together.  One kiss to start a journey in motion that just keeps getting better.

There is no other woman like her.  She is patient with my fears and gentle with my heart.  I feel her stare and I blush.  She touches me and I melt.  She is the love of my lifetime, and there is no other like her.


Bad Habit?

I love you; three little words that are taken for granted almost every day by thousands of people around the world.  I love you; a sentiment saved for those individuals that invade our souls and make our hearts beat faster.  I love you; first words of the day and last words of the night, every night.  I love you; to the moon and back, to infinity and beyond, with all I am and ever will be.

Okay, so why do we say it so much?  What makes it such an important statement, and why do we cringe when we find ourselves unable to say it in return?  Do you mean it each time you say it; do you feel it in your guts, or is it just a habit people engage in to appease their partners?  I don’t have that answer for you; but I have the answer for me.  Each time I say it, I mean it; from my gut, from every cell, with all my energy.  I mean it, or I don’t say it.  Even more than meaning it, I have to feel it.  If I don’t feel it, if it isn’t an uncontrollable utterance, then why bother?  I want to be moved by my emotions, I want to feel it bubble up inside of me and explode like a geyser, and then I want to see her face when the words escape past my lips and linger on her ears.

Habits take time; about two full weeks to develop a true habit, whether it’s a good one or a bad one.  Habits sometimes have a way of ruining the heart and shading the feelings we have for others.  Bad habits have the ability to make us less appealing to others, both physically and emotionally.  Good habits do the exact opposite.  Rarely do we find ‘good habits’ that cause a hiccup in the love beat between two people, but I believe it’s possible to fall prey to the destruction of what some consider a ‘good habit’.

Have you ever told your partner “I love you” without really thinking about it?  Do you say it because they say it first or because it is expected at certain moments?  Do you say it simply to avoid conflict and make things calm?  Pump the brakes people.  What’s wrong with this picture?  Saying “I love you” should mean something; every time you say it.  It shouldn’t be your continued go-to when things get difficult or uncomfortable.  It shouldn’t be used to end an argument or coerce cooperation.  You should say “I love you” because you feel like your heart will burst out of your chest if you don’t tell her how you really feel.  You should say “I love you” when you’re feeling vulnerable and you don’t know if you will hear it returned.

When nothing else can express what is racing through your heart and soul; you should say “I love you”.


Easy

Since when does a relationship have to be hard work in order to be good?

Why do people stay in relationships that require so much work, so much struggle?

Why can’t people just accept the good things that come with being in love and move forward in a manner that continues to cultivate the reason it all started?

 

About eight months ago I embarked on an adventure in my heart, one with all the bells and whistles. We started our relationship as friends, and then one day, one kiss, I knew where I wanted my heart to live for the next 50 years.  I waited a lifetime for someone to take me as I am; no conditions, no demands, just me as I am.  Now I have this wonderful girl in my life, and I continually marvel at how easy it is with her.  I look at her and my knees go weak.  I hear her voice and my day is bright.  I feel her hand in mine and I am swept away. I don’t have the fear and worry that often accompanies the huge steps in every relationship; marriage, mortgage, moving.  Each step I have taken with her has been easy, and I have this feeling, way down in my gut, that it will always be easy with her.

Now before everyone starts chiming in with their two cents about “honeymoon stages” and the idea that all relationships start out with a rush of ease that never lasts, I want you to stop and think for a minute; what is the level of ease in your current relationship?  Has it changed since that first kiss?  If so, why?

All I know right now is this; I’m in love, and it’s easy. It’s so easy.