Tag Archives: balance

Awaken

 “Wake up!  Refuse to sleepwalk through your life any longer.  Wake up!  Open your eyes and dare to see the world in a new and different way.  Wake up!  Awaken your passion for life and awaken it in those around you.  Awaken yourself spiritually.  Find something larger than yourself to believe in.  Find a way to life yourself above the mundane.  Wake up!  Smell the coffee!  Take a long, hard look at all you’ve been missing, and decide not to miss any more.  Awaken your senses, your intuition, your desires.  Awaken the parts of yourself that have been sleeping:  the lover, the trickster, the artist, the maiden, the crone.  Wake up, and don’t go back to sleep.  Life is a dream, and to live it, you must be awake.”  ~Rachel Snyder

Wake up?  I have to be honest, I have never really felt like I was sleepwalking through my life, but I think I might have been.  I had to really give it some serious thought and reflect on the past a bit before I understood what I was doing.  It’s never intentional, ignoring the important parts of our life, but it tends to happen when we allow ‘stuff’ to get in the way.  I have accepted that I need to throw back the covers and rub the sleep out of my eyes, but that is the easy part.

I am conditioned.  That’s right, conditioned; get things done, don’t be lazy, work harder, do it now, lists and lists and more lists. I don’t blame anyone for it, I allowed myself to sink into the position of ‘worker bee’ because.  But droning through the days has taken a toll on my spirit and it was inevitable that I would break rank sooner or later.   I haven’t given myself permission to play and dream and explore for many years, and I am beginning to realize that there is more going on in my everyday existence than just a regimented schedule of responsibilities.

Life is different now, calmer.  I can explore and search and get lost in anything I choose. Sleep, write, play, read, create; I have choices now. Sometimes the training of my previous life peeks around the corner when I am needing some structure or feeling overwhelmed, and I can safely organize my day without fearing the bonds of my previous indentured servitude. I still have responsibilities and I still do things that need to be done, but the difference is I don’t HAVE to do them immediately.  A balance between need and want is possible.

Just like a kid standing in the center of a see-saw trying to figure out which side needs more weight to keep them from falling off, I have to decide which side of my life needs to hold more weight in order to keep my balance.  I’ve decided  that it’s ok to put my schedules on hold from time to time and let my spirit breathe a little.

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Soften

 “Drop your shoulders and soften your stance.  Be softer with yourself, more forgiving.  Soften your approach.  Allow yourself to be vulnerable, to be interdependent, to receive as well as give.  Turn off the computer and write with a pencil, a piece of chalk, or a crayon.  Try not to be so hard on yourself.  Soften the shape of your body.  Let shoe five or ten pound come back and round out those boyish edges that are nota at all becoming.  Carry a woman’s body.  Speak a bit more softly; walk across the floor more softly.  Wear something that flows: a skirt, a blouse, a dress, a scarf.  Wrap a sarong around your middle.  Resist the urge to sound like the men at the office or the boys in the class or the guys on the team.  Give at least equal time to your softer, feminine nature, and feel its power.  The power is yours when you soften.”  ~ Rachel Snyder

I am a hard woman.  I have always considered myself hard and rigid, and I attributed it to circumstance and situation. Well, as life would have it, circumstance and situation have changed again, and I now have the opportunity to be soft.

Soft. Not a quality I have always embraced or even shared with others. Soft. Learning to calm my frustrations and let the little things stay little. Soft. Slowing down a bit and actually not caring about the time of day. Soft. Trusting that showing the softness of my soul will not cause me pain. Soft.

The shift from hard to soft is sometimes strange, but mostly it’s reassuring.  I don’t have to give up my strength; I can round off the rough edges and still be a force to reckon with when it is necessary.  Maybe showing all the things that rest in each facet of my identity isn’t really about picking and choosing what I let others see; maybe it’s about finding a balance between all of my parts.


Sigh

Sometimes you simply must sigh.  When no words can capture the sweet, soulful breath escaping your lips, you simply must sigh.  Sound a little hum when you sigh.  Sigh when you know exactly what your friend means, yet words would cheapen the depth of her sentiment.  Sigh when you want to respond but you’re too weary, too spent to form words, much less sentences.  Sigh when you massage a woman, solely to induce her sighing, too.  Sigh when you hear violin music that seeps int your soul.  Sigh at funerals just to keep breathing.  Sigh when someone really needs more than anything to talk – and you need more than anything to listen.  Smile a soft smile when you sigh.  Never for a sigh.  When you can sigh effortlessly at just the right moments, you will know that you are a woman, sigh, indeed.”  ~ Rachel Snyder

Sigh. It took me some time, 43 years to be exact, to accept the importance of a good sigh.  It’s cleansing and renewing, kind of like standing under a warm shower.  The cobwebs disappear and breath comes easier after a good sigh.  My heart opens up and my mind regains its balance.  Sigh.

I believe the power a good sigh can help us recapture our power; the power to see ourselves in a truer light.  The moments spent pulling in a good sigh allow us the luxury of pause, in a world that often tell us to keep hurrying.  I need to pause from time to time and take inventory of where I am in this world, who I am in this world.  The daily woes of living can cloud our judgement, wear down our resolve, and steal our confidence; a sigh can give it all back.

The next time you feel yourself spiraling downward, stop and sigh.  Pump the breaks a little and recapture your power.  Sigh.