Full Metal English

I am your  English teacher. From now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of you will be “Ma’am!”  Do you Freshmen understand that?   If you leave my classroom, if you survive Freshman English… you will be a weapon, you will be a minister of learning, praying for knowledge, but until that day you are just overindulged teenagers!  I am hard, but I am fair!  Because I am hard, you will not like me, but the more you hate me, the more you will learn. There is no  bigotry here!  Here you are all equally  obnoxious, and my orders are to weed out all slackers who do not deserve the privilege of being a part of my beloved class! Do you freshmen understand that?

Somehow my translation doesn’t seem quite as intimidating.

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